Welcome to the real world

Something tells me I'm really gonna be busy the next couple of months! All I can think about is going to Greece--which I FINALLY paid in full, yay!--that I've realized I'm so fucking behind on my thesis. I got royally screwed when I found out yes, I had to take thesis and seminar in order to graduate..the last time I checked Dr. Murray said no but as usual, I got screwed. So I thought, great I'll take seminar, learn the tricks of the trade and then do the same thing with my thesis. The seminar class is really cool and actually it's a step by step process and showed you how to really do a research paper. The only bad thing is that Dr. Murray emailed me complaining she hasn't seen me in about six weeks and the thesis is due in April, oh and remember that it has to be reviewed by another teacher at Regis! First of all, she didn't tell me that last part so I e-mailed Dr. Smailes and he said that was ok so I'm cool with that. Second of all, it's hard for me to find a time to drive down there and meet her, i was gonna suggest next week but they have vacation so it'll probably be the end of March and I really hope that when I get to see her she won't think my thesis is a piece of shit and tell me I'm screwed. So that means I'll be spending my Saturday mornings/afternoons at the Regis library, putting my ass on lockdown at every minute doing this damn project..sheesh...
 So it's been a year that I've been at HPHC..a year! And the more I learn the more I get screwed. it seems I get reminded every damn time that I'm doing something wrong or a member will call and piss me off. I'm trying hard not to fuck things up cuz I need this job but I'm going crazy. As for the job search I'm still stuck on what I want to do, so there's no point going on the search engines looking for a person that is willing to relocate to whatever for a job when I don't know what I want. ::sigh:: 
 On a good note, re-signed up with WW but it's a work..the meetings are at Thursdays at 12:45 which suck since if my lunch is at 12 i can only stay for fifteen minutes, if it's at 1:00 i'm ok only miss 15 minutes of the class. I'm determined to get to my goal weight by May which is like 2lbs a week. I want to fly and sexy for that shit!! 
 Nothing much than that now heading off to bed and waking up for a lovely time at work in the morning....

So yesterday was Valentine's  Day and after spending a couple of hours drinking and singing Kelis's "Caught Out There" and Keyshia Cole's "Shoulda Let You Go/Let It Go", I had picked up "He's Just Not Into You at the library and I finally saw the light about this bastard. IF he was into me he'd call me. So what if he lives 1,000+ miles away? He'd take time out of his day and call me. No one is that fucking busy to NOT pick up a phone but he's available to text me sexy stuff but not pick up the phone and call? IF he was into me he WOULDN'T SAY I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP...READ I AM NOT INTO YOU. IF he was into me he'd ask about my life not pop in and out. Fuck, I'm such an idiot. I wasted so much $$ on that bastard to fly out and see him, and for what? A quick jump in the sack and fly back home? Oh he was slick with his gentleman like ways but it was all bull. If you don't like me, tell me so I don't waste my time! 
 So here's what I did..I deleted all the emails I recevied from him, I ripped up the picture I had of him and me, I'm even contemplating deleating him from my Facebook. LOL I will not sit and wait for him to realize he likes me. What has he been doing? Running around having a good time, he doesn't care and why should I? How has he shown his appreciation of me? Nothing. So it's done and I feel pretty fucking fabulous. It's time for me to out there and find a real man! 
 So I'm off to Motreal. LOL

I had a pretty good three day weekened (yay for MLK! lol). Saturday I did some errands with my mom like go to the Post office, wal-mart, etc and then went to work. Yesterday was work and then we headed to godfather's house to watch the Pats game--which we won muthafuckers!! lol It was a pretty good game, i wasn't worried that we wouldn't win since we're the best out there. I felt bad for those players out in the cold, then I'm like, hey they get paid shitloads of money to throw a damn ball, i don't feel sorry for them! lol 
  This morning I got up early and headed over to the Wrenthum outlets which I haven't been for in awhile, it wasn't crowded which was great. And the deals were insane! I first went to banana republic, got a pair of jeans--size 10 so excited!! ;-). Oh, also one of those polyester tops that was like 3 bucks and a cute sleeveless black top for 3 bucks as well. Sweet! Also went to the gap where I got a long sleeved v-neck top and jeans (size 12 because they were those darned long and lean but they were flared and low waist) total of 12 bucks!! And for the grand finale went over to Coach thinking I would just go there and look at stuff, i got this read coach bag that was originally 200.00 bucks, it was 130.00 then with extra %30 off, I'm thinking it'll come to $110.00 it came to like $95.00! Sweet! lol I LOVE sales!! Then we were tired so we went to the 99 restaurant. 
 Now I'm home and not looking forward to go back to work, school starts this week and it's fucking cold as hell. LOL Speaking of work, I got a book from the library that talks about travel jobs. I was flipping through it and it really opened my eyes to the possibilities. For example, I can work at Club-Med doing anything pratically. Room and board is included so you're just at the place working 24/7. The good thing is that it'll be in Florida or even the Carribean/Mexico, room and board is included and everyone is having a good time. I'm just worried if i got there will I like it and how about my car, can I just drive it there and let it stay for X amount of months without the hassle of transporting driver's liscense and stuff? hmmm..And I don't know what the pay is, I am going to have a Master's shouldn't I get something that is higher pay and a better standard? At the same time I should take risks because I'm young and it's all about figuring stuff out. I can go there, it might be a failure but at least I did it instead of saying shoulda, woulda, coulda. The worst thing is NOT taking the chance and being at the same place I am. 
 Speaking of taking chances, it's been 3 weeks and nothing from him and you know what? I'm fine about it really. Sure, if he did call me I'd probably be pissed and let him have it, but I'm like we were never together, nothing was set in stone and hey, shit happens. I don't regret anything that happened between us, but I know that we can never be and I'm fine with that. He has his own life in Texas, I have my own life in Massachusetts. Maybe we'll see each other but we'll stay as friends, visiting each other and having sex will only complicate things. Besides, I want to be with someone who wants to be with ME! 
  That's about it..next vaca won't be until President's day..my mom is thinking for my brother's winter vaca he'll go to Canada and find out some info about schools there. It was funny because I was suggesting that to my brother at the same time. That way he can brush up on his French, he'll be living rent free at grandma's house and be around his relatives. The thought is that if he gets his passport in time he'll go up there by himself and when I have my 3 day weekend I'll come up there and we'll head back together. So we'll see..
 Now that is really it..peace out....

So I'm done moping like a little schoolgirl. Cuz frankly, this shit is boring and gonna drive me nuts. LOL I've come up with a few realizations, I know I've said em before and promised myself to change but this time it's gotta be for real: 

1) HE IS UNDER NO ONBLIGATION TO TEXT/EMAIL/CONTACT ME: That's probably one of the biggest things to overcome. When you're with someone and they do (or don't do) something I overanalyze the shit of if it. Example, I sent a text last night, was mad he never got back to me. I need to get over it because hey we're not together and there's a million reasons why he hasn't answered back. He's busy with school, he hasn't gotten a chance to get back to me, whatever. Just because we hung out and had great sex doesn't mean he's obligated to drop everything and give me his full attention. When you're using technology to communicate a lot of things can be misinterpretated. 

2) YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BOY FEELS SO YOU CAN'T MAKE SHIT UP, YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT FROM HIS MOUTH: I don't know how he feels, i cannot intepret them thru body language, horoscopes, whatever. He even told me himself he has trouble expression himself, I'm so used to words instead of actions. I looked back and noticed that yet, he's into me. Is he going to say it? Who knows, it has to come from him, it can't be forced and no psychic named Cleo will tell me. 

3) HE ISN'T THE ONLY FISH IN THE SEA: I'm listening right now to Brian Mknight's "The Only One for Me". Ok, love the song but let's get serious, there could be tons of guys out there who are 10x better than Charles, so why would I not give them a chance? Because I'm hoping on the fact that he will realize how awesome I am and want me to be his GF? Uh, no. I'm sure he's in TX right now getting some, we're not exclusive so that's it. 

4) ACT LIKE A GUY: What I mean is play it cool. The last thing he needs is a girl constantly texting/email/calling him all the time. Play it cool. If he contacts me, give a few minutes or even hours before you get back. Just let it ride and see what happens.

And you know, i think he really does like me, it goes through in action. I mean, he wouldn't invite a girl who he thought was just a good travel buddy--TWICE--to stay at his house and have sex with her. He wouldn't just be all affectionate and cute and talk about stuff with someone he just met. He wouldn't play Brian Mcknight on the night a girl was gonna lose her virginity, or sing along to Beyonce and Luther's "The Closer I Get to You" while having sex (I mean come on, we know what the song means!!), or drop the OTHER "L" word in a conversation (I believe it was in the context of..."I like you.."..woah!). Yeah, he's sprung. 

So I'm gonna chill be blissfully unaware of his existence, get my shit together and relish in the fact that he might like me too.....

Ok, so for the past couple of days I've realized that I need to get my shit together. I'm talking about money wise and future wise. I was looking at what I'm earning and expenses and it's shocking at how everything just windles away. I've decided that I had enough of Walgreen's and I need a weekend job that will give me more. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of weekend only jobs that are NOT retail--I checked on line and looked in the papers. I'm hopefully going for working in the hospital, I applied about a week ago to a position at Brockton hospital for working in the radiology department as an office helper, Sundays only but I figure they'll pay more than what Walgreen's is paying. I called the HR department last week and they said after two weeks they look at the applicants and will give me a call for an interview if I make it. Yeah, right. So I checked online, that position is gone and I'm gonna call them tomorrow and see what's up. Otherwise I'm looking at stuff..
 I also applied to be an EF College Break campus PR person. They are the people I went on my trip with and basically I'd be spreading the word around BSC and Regis. I then realized wouldn't it make it more conveinent if I lived on campus, also the fact that I wouldn't be graduating next year? It's a lot of work and I'm not sure but we'll see what happens with that. 
  Speaking of Bridgewater State, much bigger than Regis! I had no problem getting there, it's just manuvering around campus is a bitch. Everything is all spread out and I didn't do the things I wanted to do. since I'm only gonna be on campus once a week I have to rush around and do things. My professor is ok, a little anal about exactly what he wants, but it looks interesting. It's funny because I'm one of out two people that are grads taking the class, I feel a little old! lol 
 Today after work I headed to the gym for some kickboxing and it kicked my ass. #1, there was no ac so that made it hotter and the workout was insane. For some crazy reason I like the harder it is and challening myself! I must've sweated off a tons of pounds, never sweated that much! I'm getting back on track with my weight goal, trying to reach an additional 6lb loss to get to an even #. But you know what I realized? Since I've joined the gym about two years ago and joining WW a few months ago, I've lost almost 40lbs!! I feel great, look great and I can see it. So if the scales goes up a bit I won't beat myself up about it, I just move on and work harder. 
  The week is almost over and the weekend is pretty much a quite one--working out, going to work and doing homework..yeah work is mentioned 3x in that! So busy. LOL And I think it's good cuz I won't worry about you know him..give him a chance to miss me..lol

Holy shit what an awesome weeked!!! It all started on Friday and I was just dying to get out of work and head to the JT show. I finally booked it outta there and decided to drive into Boston. First time doing that I was a little nervous but it was actually pretty great. Got a parking sport near the FleetCenter and met Suzy and Missy there. Then when I got my seats they were VIP GA where I could literally touch the stage, awesome! My other friend Shanita was there with her cousin but on the other side and we just chatted at how awesome it was that we were that close. Good Charlotte opened up and they were pretty good, they came on early and were on for about a half hour. JT came on stage a few minutes later and rocked it--I got to touch him twice!! What I didn't realize was that Timbaland was back which meant he'd have a little show while JT took a break. The DJ for Timbaland I met in Manchester was there and when he got on stage and looked at me, he pointed me out and shook his head as if to say, "I can't believe you're here!". LOL I had joked with him back in March that I would see JT in Europe and he said if that was true he'd let me meet him. Yeah right but it was cute. After he got off stage we chatted for a bit and I asked him is there any way I can just take a pic with JT and say hello. He told me that security is tight and he can't even get his family to meet him. It was all good and the show was awesome. Afterwards I was passing by where the tour buses where and he was there and called out to me. He said there might be an after party, but I wasn't sure if I was gonna go. I checked with Shanita and she said he said the same thing. I hung out with Suzy and Missy around the 7/11 and then decided to head on home. He texted me saying I could come to the Tremont hotel but I was like nahhh. I got home and crashed into bed and got up the next morning. I wasn't really thinking of going to Mohegan Sun to see JT in CT but I was determined to go--not only go but to get VIP GA seats again. I checked on ticketmaster but they were sold out and I was freaking out. I then went on Ebay and a seller had two of them for $400. Now this is like at 7:30 AM in the morning and I email him asking if he's willing just to sell the one for me, and he agreed!! They were e-tickets so I just printed them off my computer. After work I got my shit together and drove straight to CT. I had my directions and only got lost like twice but finally made it there. I got my wristband and was escorted to the area. By then I knew where to stand to get maximum JT coverage. lol After GC was on again I saw Steve but he didn't see me because he was talking to another friend. I called him and I say, "Look to your left." He sees me, smiles and says, "stalker alert!" LOL He comes up to me and tells me that they went to some club in Boston but that was about it since he was tired. I mention if I could see JT or just tell him I said hi and no, i'm not crazy. LOL I mentioned to him I'm going to the Montreal show and he's like, "Damn you must have a lot of money!" Anyways, JT is doing his thing and during his 3rd song I know he comes over to our section but wasn't sure if it would be where I was. Before I know it, he has his guitar and walks over to me and kneels down right there! I'm freaking out inside but I got to touch him, so surreal! The show contines and I see Steve again after Timbaland was on, I mention if he told JT I said hi and he said he was, "working on something." I'm like what does that mean? So it's near the end of JT's set and I practically know what part of the stage he goes now. So I'm chilling and singing along, then JT comes from the other side of the stage, come straight to me and let's me--only me--grab his hand! I'm thinking are you freaking kidding me? This is insane! All these girls are trying to get his attention and giving me dirty looks it was awesome. LOL So the show ends and I have my mapquest, ready to get on home. So I make it pretty good until I hit MA and for some reason I end up in Dighton? I'm like what the fuck? I end up in Taunton which is two cities near my house, I have to stop at a closed Mobile station where the guys are waxing the floor. They tell me to go 44 East, which I do, then on my way I see a 24 hour Mcdonalds--yes!! Im like can I have a Mchicken and they're like no more. I'm like fuck what about a cheeseburger? They don't make damn cheeseburgers after 1. I have to settle for a disgusting chicken nuggets which I couldn't eat cuz they were so gross and threw them out. I finally made it back home around 2:30, my ears ringing, tired as hell but pretty damn proud of myself. 

Oh yeah, I rule.....

It started like any other Friday..I worked until 5:30 trying to get the fuck out of the job and I was waiting for the train. I decided to swtich my music to Kiss108 and they had JT say call to win tickets. I was like what the hell, why not? The first time couldn't get through, second time no luck. Third time I try and the girl answers, I'm like what caller am I? She says 25. I go what # were you looking for? She says 25! Eee!! After freaking out and looking like a psycho on the streets, I give my info so I won tickets! yay! And they even announced my name on the radio, how cool is thta? For weeks I've been trying to get tickets and I finally get them!!! 
 And yeah..I'm crushing hard on this boy. I have a few days off in August so maybe see him? I dunno we'll see....

Who knew that talking to a psychic could be funny as shit? 

I was still confused about Charles's weird texts so I decided what the hell lemme call a psychic! it's one of those specials where for a few minutes u get for a price. So I call and she asks my DOB and his. I swear, all this stuff she was asking about and telling me felt like she was reading from a horosope. She'd ask me questions like does he have a job, do you come from two different backgrounds, all the stuff u see in him u see in urself, yada yada. Then she went wayy of base saying--maybe true--he's not ready for a relationship--and since I'm looking for a HUSBAND and I'm ready to settle down. Man, i couldn't stop laughing inside--I'm only 24 years old and she thinks I want to get married to this guy? What was she thinking? I felt like she was pressuring me for me to think her way. Funny as hell. 

So I feel ten times better about this situation. I don't want to be in a relationship with this guy because it isn't going to happen and we're just not compatable. We can still be friends and chat and that's it, cuz I'm done being a little sad schoolgirl pining away for some guy who will never be availble to me. Whatever, if I wanted to pine, I'd pine for Justin Timberlake. 

So Charles: screw you. You make me sick. 

But I think you're a great kisser. 

::feels much better::

Yeah, try saying that five times fast! lol Right now I'm listening to Luther Vandross's Live at Radio City Music Hall circa 2003, trying to ignore the pounding music of our annoying neighbors. Ok, it's 10pm people and it's night time and I gotta sleep! So shush! lol Hate stupid people like that. Today was weird because it was a Wednesday and surprise, no work that morning. Yesterday was awesome because at work we got an email from the head honcho saying we could all get out at 2:30! So I got home early and was pretty happy about that. I helped my mom with the food and then headed to the gym for a bit. I was just going to go on the treadmill, but I found out there was a kickboxing class with Todd who i think is awesome and I've had him before. Needless to say I was sweating up a storm! After a quick stop the Shaw's I headed back home and enjoyed the festivities. My grandmom and godfather came too so it was fun laughing with them and eating. Sadly, yes I actually DID have work today at lovely Walgreen's from 4-9 but I was able to get out around 8:40 ish. There was NO ONE in the store and I don't understand why they don't just close it you're not going to lose that much money! Bastards. LOL 
  I was looking at my calendar and I'm shocked that I will see Charles in ONE WEEK. I'm cautious as hell because I don't know what to expect. It could go fine and just enjoy it, he could throw a curveball and either be a really nice guy who really wants to be with me, or just be some freakin asshole perv. Hopefully the latter will not happen because I don't want to end up in that situation and he'd end up with his nuts off if he does something stupid. LOL The bottom line is this: We had fun in Paris but you don't really know someone that much quickly. So this is going to be a "getting to know you and let's not talk about anything else that will fuck up this moment and we don't need lables cuz you're not my boyfriend/girlfriend thing so we'll have fun" adventure. Or something like that. lol I have to do some major shopping on Saturday, one because I need new clothes and most of my pants are too big for me and two I love shopping. Then there's also the Rox game on Friday and the rest of the days getting ready. H-town here I come!